Nothing communicates like a look. I'll never forget that one of the worst reprimands I received as a child was given to me by my father with just a look. I remember how bad he made me feel when he caught me sticking my tongue out at my mother when she turned her back on me, after scolding me for not doing my homework. My father didn't say a word, and he didn't need to: his look told me everything.

Just as a look expresses the worst disapproval, it is also a channel for the most intense communication between two souls. A good example of this can be seen in the wonderful film Avatar (si no la has visto, no puedes perdértela), cuando el héroe le dice a la protagonista “te veo” y ella le responde con otro “te veo”. Lo que ambos expresan con dos palabras es “puedo ver tu alma, descubrir tu ser y darme cuenta de quién eres en realidad”.

In a couple, a look like this can happen at first, or after a few minutes of gazing into each other's eyes with the aim of finding each other's souls. Have you ever done it?

At least 80 percent of scientific studies on this topic reveal how we learn to love one another through our gaze. Research conducted in 1989 by Clark University psychologist James D. Laird tells us that gazing is about staring at each other, but in a different way: for other mammals, glancing at each other is intended as a threat and is received as such. If you have any doubts, just try practicing this on the street. Instead, gazing at each other is about giving yourself permission to do so, letting down your guard, taking off your masks, and putting yourself in a vulnerable position, which is key to creating intimacy and connection.

Qué cierto es que una de las cosas que más nos da la sensación de plenitud es llevar una muy buena relación con el ser amado. Sin embargo, solemos soñar mucho con ello y trabajar poco para conseguirlo. Algunas investigaciones revelan que en Estados Unidos, cerca de la mitad de los matrimonios fracasan en la primera vuelta; dos terceras partes de los matrimonios en la segunda y tres cuartas partes de las veces en la tercera ocasión.

In our country, the number of divorces has increased considerably in recent years. In 1970, there were three divorces for every 100 marriages; in 2003, the figure rose to 11 divorces, and by 2007, there were 13 divorces for every 100 marriages (INEGI). Relationship between divorces and marriages 1970-2007). We could conclude that among the causes is the fact that we enter the relationship with few skills and high expectations.

look at the soul

Taking the time to look into each other's eyes, says Dr. Robert Epstein of the University of California, San Diego, helps produce rapid increases in affection and liking for another person, even if we do it with a stranger. To test this, Epstein invited his students to perform an exercise. He randomly paired them and asked them to rate on a scale of 1 to 10 the level of liking, closeness, or love they felt for each other. He then asked them to look deeply into each other's eyes, in an experiment he called Mirar el alma.

At first, there was some giggling among the students, but then something very interesting emerged. After two minutes, feelings of love increased by a modest 7 percent; liking by 11 percent; and closeness by 45 percent. At the end, 89 percent of the students reported that the exercise had increased their feelings of intimacy toward one another.

Epstein also suggested that they practice this technique with friends, partners, family, and even complete strangers for a month, and that they keep a chart regardless of the results. More than 90 percent of the 213 students reported that their relationships had noticeably improved, with intimacy with their romantic partners increasing by 70 percent.

What I find most interesting about this is that for the first time, the students felt some kind of control over the love they experienced for their partner and didn't expect fate to take over. That's the great lesson. We often think that the fairy tale, in which the prince or princess appears and lives happily ever after, will also happen in our lives without any effort.

Let's try to search our partner's soul, to find again what made us fall in love with him or her. To achieve this, it takes attention, time, and effort. However, in everyday life, it doesn't mean much. It's enough to look at each other with permission, patience, and love to realize that our relationship only takes a few seconds to be. better.